As some of you who were being so
kind as to read along with my writing of Not Enough Nuts and Raisins might
realize I have closed it down. But I feel that I owe it to my few readers to
let them know, “
the rest of the story.” And why I stopped writing it. When I started to write the last few chapters of how Toba’s
life was happy and looked promising one minute and the next was torn to shreds
by this controlling old man, I realized how this fictional character, shaped
around the real one in my life, was bringing all those old feelings up again.
All the broken feelings of being disappointed over and over and over when he
never kept his promises. Promises I realized years later that he
never intended
to keep. They were only to pacify the moment of having to deal with the poor
luck of being saddled with another daughter and not one thought was given to
how it affected me personally.
I thought writing this would be
therapeutic, but all I find it is doing is stirring the pot. I had to ask myself
a very important question, “What’s the point?” I learned to go on, I survived
the years of pain and I think I ended up with the greatest possible result. I
have a heart. How I ended up having a heart is a miracle. I guess when you get
trod upon by someone who you loved for so long you just have to one day break
free of it. You realize that it isn’t you, and what finally helps you see that
truth is what you kept asking yourself for years, “What in the world did I do
so wrong?”
When you come to the awakening
that it wasn’t you and you didn’t DO anything but that destructive personality
that you endured was the real problem it is like walking into the sunlight.
So, the story was to have a happy ending . . .
Toba was going to hang in there
facing daily onslaughts of Mr. Gilbert’s verbal bashing and passive-aggressive
cutting remarks. Eventually, due to the onset of winter, Toba would move into a
spare room in the old house. Of course he would have to endure several
‘schoolings’ on what to touch and what not to touch. When asked to retrieve
some old papers one day he will stumble upon some pictures as well. It becomes
apparent that the old man does have some family and that he and they are estranged.
(Not surprising.)
The old man will have to open up to
Toba some things about his past when he is slated to be part of recognition of
a branch of the military being honored after many years. Mr. Gilbert was in the
Merchant Marines and according to his story to the news, his ship was sunk and
he and a few mates spent time in a lifeboat.
Toba being the nature that he is,
begins to understand that perhaps there is good reason for the old man being as
nasty as he is. Of course it will take a turn when Toba tries to be too
understanding and also questions the picture of a young woman he finds in all
the papers.
Mr. Gilbert will become enraged and
this will set off s series of accidents which Toba will be blamed for and
eventually a trip to the hospital for the old man. With his memory slipping and
his natural tendency to treat Toba unkindly his remarks will reflect to the
authorities that Toba is nothing to him and that he caused his fall.
Thus Toba will end up in jail. Having no one to call on for
help he reconnects with Mr. Crown who comes to his rescue and along with it a
conversation concerning what little is known about Toba’s earlier years.
When the authorities are satisfied
that Toba isn’t the culprit he is made out to be. He is released and he goes
back to the old house. Curiosity gets the best of him and he does a little out
of character snooping. He finds an old police report of a run away girl
involving Mr. Gilbert and realizes that it might be this daughter he refers to
at times.
He takes the report and finds himself at the local library
looking for whatever information he can. His intent at this time is simple to
see if he can reunite the old man and this daughter before it is too late.
Skipping ahead, he does find an
email address and he informs the girl, Samantha Gilbert, about how he became to
interact with the old man and might she be his daughter? While Toba is at the hospital, the old man tells him that
the only way he will be released is if he has someone staying with him. Once
again Toba’s good-natured ways are called upon to forgive the old man and
accompany him home.
They aren’t there long when a
visitor arrives. Samantha Gilbert arrives unsure if her coming was the right
thing to do. Her unexpected return sends Mr. Gilbert into an all out judgmental
attack on not only Samantha, but Toba, spewing his accusations and rage. This
old man’s life of control is being turned on him and he just simply cannot take
the natural reimbursement of a lifetime of cruelty. With his health failing he
experiences a massive heart attack and with his final breath he offers one last
heartrending blow. Although on one hand he acknowledges Samantha as his
daughter it is quickly squelched with his unrelenting decision to disown her. When
all the dust of the old man’s death settles, Samantha and Toba are left to pick
up what pieces are left and make some sense of how they both were thrust into
the old man’s life.
Samantha opens up and shares how
she ran away years ago because of her getting pregnant and the old man disowning
her. It isn’t until she tells Toba of the greatest heartbreak of her life was
leaving her baby boy that she knew she could never take care of in a hospital
lobby one night wrapped in an old feed sack she found as she fled her father’s
home.
Toba’s shocked reaction to hearing
from Samantha Gilbert the one and only thing he ever knew about who he was,
will close the story with not the expected reconciliation of a coldhearted father
and brokenhearted daughter, but the reconciliation of two innocent individuals
who though mistreated at the hands of an unforgiving spiteful bullying old man
find the most important missing pieces of their lives.
The end . . . in many ways.
