Has anyone ever told you, “Don’t get your hopes up.”

When all hope is lost in our lives, we give up. I’ve been there. It took years of my soul being beaten down by my father’s broken promises. I truly believe that God gives all of us as children a sense of hope. The Biblical definition of hope is this,

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. vs. 6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

I placed all my hope in my father. Over and over, he proved unfaithful. I sought my father’s love continually. No matter how many times he disappointed me, I went right back believing that he didn’t mean to disappoint me, and THIS time it would be different. After I was in my late thirties, I finally ran out of hope and love for him. There just wasn’t another drop in my tank.

In a way, it was a relief. It was over. I’d not have to go another second waiting for him to come to some sort of epiphany—It never came. I had to face the truth at last. As I walked away from my earthly father, I saw my Heavenly Father walking toward me. He embraced not only my tired adult heart but my broken child heart still within me.

There’s not a feeling in this world like having the arms of God go around you, drawing you close. Nothing was being said, just a warmth and acceptance in that moment. Was there work to be done in me now? Yes, the path was before me to regain all the hope that I had lost since a child. That seemed like a daunting task. But the difference now was WHO I was putting my renewed hope in.

I searched the Word and the ways that God has been faithful to me in so many ways. I’d been a Christian for fifteen years. I’d come to know God’s faithfulness through so many other times in my life when I went to Him like I had my father. It took time. But two promises that God has never broken have been that He would never leave me or forsake me. These were the first two things I asked God to promise me.

I’d been left by my father, and still I hung on to the belief that he was coming back. He destroyed my trust in him too many times to count. One day I asked myself why did I kept doing this. I knew he wasn’t trustworthy or even had a glimmer of regret about anything he failed to do in my life. That undeniable childlike faith, trust, and hope that is deposited in each of us when we are born is oftentimes misplaced. We place it in a broken, sinful human. A parent, a teacher, a friend, or someone who looks dependable but proves otherwise.

When I realized that I had exhausted all my hope on my father, I cried to God, asking, “What do I do now? How do I ever get any hope back?”

The above scripture tells us that God is a REWARDER of those who diligently seek him. His character is flawless. Slowly, day by day, I took my brokenness to God. Some days I felt absolutely nothing. And then one day I began to feel a small sense of hope quicken about something I had gone to God about. But the underlying fact that I learned about hope wasn’t just being hopeful, but Who I was placing my hope in.

This time it was God. The God of the Word. The God who can not lie. Is the same yesterday, today, and forever. The God who doesn’t change how He feels about me. The God who never stops loving me.

For years, I blamed myself for my father’s flawed behavior. I thought it was me. That I was wrong. That it was because of something I did or didn’t do. Coming to finally see that it wasn’t me, it was my father who was broken. He didn’t know how to love or keep his promises. The day I realized that he never once meant to ever keep any promise he made, it was enlightening! When that fact dawned on me, I saw the total waste of all those years. I had placed my hope in someone who had never had any intentions of keeping a single promise he made. That was an eye-opening moment. Devastating but freeing. At last, I was finally able to face the truth.

The word says, in John 8:31, Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; 32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

Although facing the truth about my relationship with my father was hard, it released me to begin to hope again. At that time, no one could even mention my father or speak to me about it without it devastating me. Today, I am so very grateful to say that all that is gone. God healed that childlike part of me. He replaced all my ability to hope again.

I always pray that anyone who takes the time to read what I post here will go away changed. This blog is written by someone who has had to walk out what she shares. It’s God in me reaching out through this page with an invitation to come to Him for everything you need.

I pray that you will take time now to go to God yourself. 

I bless you.