Do you ever feel like you are never enough? What do you think God meant by . . . small things?

Luke 16;10 He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much, and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. 

I woke today struggling with some of the small, seemingly insignificant things I do that only God sees me doing. Some of them might be termed OCD, but I don’t put that tag on them. I don’t go around having to touch things three times before I can relax. Some might seem very silly or questionable but let me explain. I’ve included for Biblical clarity what the Word says about being faithful in a job well done—even the smallest ones.

I hate to admit it but not taking the time to finish something has cost me more than if I had done it right the first time. Does anyone know what I’m talking about?

So, God trains me in this fault of mine in small simple ways. I hear the Holy Spirit encouraging me before I am about to neglect to do these small things and am encouraged.

Here is one of my biggest small issues. Living in a community housing where other people use the laundry room also, they ask that you do two things. Clean out the dryer filter and leave the door open on both the washer and dryer so it will air out. Not rocket science—small simple actions.

And yet, when I’ve folded my clothes and stacked them, I realize that the job isn’t done. That’s when something in me groans. Several times, as I’ve turned to leave, I hear the voice of the Holy Spirit chastening me. You’d think I was being asked to fly over the building. I start an argument that I know I’m not going to win. Yes, I can win it, but for the rest of the night, I will know that I was disobedient in such a small matter. So, as I turn around, and take the time to do this small insignificant act before I exit the laundry room I wonder where in the whole scheme of life this even matters. It doesn’t. It only matters in my life.

It's not about the task, although it does serve a purpose for the next person using the facilities. The purpose is for my growth in the Lord. I’ll explain a little further. I was raised by a father who was never happy with anything I did. I called it, “never enough nuts or raisins.” No matter what my sister, mother, or I cooked, we either never put enough raisins or nuts in it or we put too many. We knew from the second we presented him with a plate that the praise for a job well done wasn’t coming—but we kept trying.

Sure enough, there was always something we neglected to do right. This is where my current straining to complete the job’s smallest step pulls at my emotions. “There’s always ONE MORE thing! I never can get it completely right!”

So, you might be asking, if I know this, then why don’t I make room for that final step or maybe even do it the minute I open the dryer door? Wouldn’t that be the wise thing to do? Why wait until I’m forced into the feeling of disobedience? What is still in me?

I won’t bore you with all the stuff that happens, just one more. When I’m cooking or fixing a sandwich and have gotten everything out on the counter it happens. I fix whatever it is, and I hear that inner voice saying, “Put everything away before you go sit down.” My inner child wants to scream! “Always, one more thing! Always, something I still have to do before I’m done!”

I know I might sound like a crazy person but now I’ll tell you why God deals with me in this way. Friend, it has nothing to do with a lint filter or a jar or two sitting on the counter or a knife needing to be rinsed off in the sink—it’s about God wanting to heal that damaged child that still exists in a seventy-six-year-old woman. It's God’s love yet again softly trying to show me that I can complete the small touches and walk away with hearing Him say, “Good job Susan!” That’s what I never heard in my whole life from a father I desperately tried to please—over and over again.

But God isn’t like that. In fact, He starts his praise and acknowledgment of being proud of me before I even finish. I’m not a psychologist by any means, but I’d venture to say that millions of people are still acting out of some childhood damage to this very day.

I’m shaking my head as I write this because my heart aches over the thought of how much lasting damage is done by people who were supposed to love and protect our innocent inner child. They were supposed to teach us how to learn valuable life lessons positively. Sadly, this one was so ingrained in me that it goes with me into a laundry room or my kitchen.

I hate it. I hate there is even a trace of it left in me. Believe me when I share this when I say that it isn’t as bad as it used to be! I used to have to stop and cry in frustration over this small problem. Now my turnaround time is so short. I hear it, I take the time to complete this one small final act and then I am free to go about my day. No condemnation followed me nipping at my heels for the rest of the day. No voice accusing me of not having enough nuts or raisins. Just God’s loving praise of a job well done and that He is proud of me.

And finally, we don’t have to do this on our own, we have help. The Holy Spirit in us is ready to help us to both WILL and heal even the smallest issue by helping us DO what we cannot do ourselves.

Please finish by reading over these scriptures knowing that if you have believed in the death and resurrection of Jesus and are saved, that you have help.

Ephesians 1:13 In Him, you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise.

Philippians 2:13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.

John 14; 26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all the things that I said to you.

I bless you.

 

Have you ever wrapped your life around just one Person?

Recently, during an introspective prayer, I realized that maybe the decisions I was making only included one person when God wanted them to include more than just this person.

It’s a hard thing to let a relationship go. No matter what that relationship is; marital, friend, or even family. Trusting that God has a plan is nearly impossible to do. We struggle with whether or not it is God asking us to let go. Are we making a mistake? Are we letting our feelings get in the way? I’ve heard and read that God has a plan for every one of us—saved and not saved.

Every human being God has designed for something. Before the creation of the world, he knew every one of us. That’s a bold statement for some of you to believe. But if you are a believer and read the Word and have a real relationship with the Holy Spirit then that statement isn’t strange to you. The hard part is finding that plan. I have struggled to understand just what it is that God planned for my life. I’m running out of life. At seventy-six years old my time is getting shorter and shorter.

I can look back over my life and it looks like the path of a drunken sailor. Back and forth, stumbling, faulting, stopping, and at times plummeting forward. There isn’t a straight line anywhere in my past. So, I have to ask myself, this major question—have I been walking in the plan and didn’t recognize it?

It's not all been haphazard. The one true thing that I know is that for fifty-three years God has been in my life. I have heard His voice and followed His direction up to this very last move. But, and it’s a BIG but, was this part of His plan? I was optimistic when I moved to Florida. My eyes were on one person and now I see that God has other plans. I wrapped my plans around one person and God wanted my life to include more than one person.

I’m seeing that now although it’s been hard to adjust. It’s always hard to let go of a dream or expectations that don’t happen. You have to sit in the pile of ashes for a while and cry. But coming to grips with reality is the only way out of disappointment. When I woke up this morning at four o'clock and came to write this posting, I heard the Lord clearly say to me that He was giving me the oil of Joy for the spirit of heaviness.

I’ve had to let God lift my head and open my eyes to possibilities of what and who is around me other than that one person. I’m running out of time. I can’t afford to waste any more of my life waiting on this person to make me a priority. Although, they have been my priority for years.

I did something this morning that needed to be done. And maybe my sharing with any reader will enable you to take the same move. I surrendered that place in my heart that this one person has had for years, I found myself realizing that God has been slowly and lovingly cutting that tie so that He can have that place in my life that only He deserves to have. It’s not easy to let go. But it’s probably going to be the second-best thing I have done since believing in God and becoming a Christian.

Giving God that number one place in my heart is another step in salvation’s story. It’s what He is after in every one of our lives, putting Him first. Loving Him more than any other person. No matter what their relationship is with us. It’s hard to read that we are to forsake our mother, father, sister, brother, friend, and any other relationship we form in this life.

When I closed my eyes and bent my head this morning in surrendering all my expectations I had when I moved here, I meant it. I asked God to help me now look around me and see that perhaps it was for more than just one person. Maybe my outlook on the world was too small. Maybe there are other people that God wants to bring into my life that need what He has put into me. Maybe I was willing to just swim in one small pond when God wants to cast me into an ocean of people who will benefit from what I have gone through in my life. Maybe He wants to do the same thing with you.

I don’t see everything yet, but I know that my decision was right this morning. At other times there was hurt and pain and a whole lot of tears, this morning there was peace about letting go. In letting go, it opens us up to new people, new possibilities, and new experiences.

But the main thing is I’m putting God in His rightful place. I don’t ever want anyone to have that place ever again. I’m not saying that I won’t form new relationships and enjoy new people, but I don’t want any person to hold that place in my heart but God.

My footprint here in this blog is small and I only know that it’s being read by the number counting views of my page. So, if it reaches even one person in that respect then I’m fulfilling God’s plan and that’s the whole point of what I do.

I bless you.