Is your Happiness packed in boxes?

My life here in Florida has been going through some major changes. I’d already known that it wasn’t going to be easy making a major move at the tender age of seventy-six. Somehow, by the Grace of God, He gave me the strength daily to tackle one box at a time until a mountain of boxes impeded my moving about the apartment freely.

I tried to mark the boxes so that I would know what was in each one. Two boxes indicated what was safely packed within them—MY Sweetest possessions.

It might sound like “senior sentiment” but every day I could feel the need to get this sweet gift out of the box and back into my daily line of view. My son gave me these precious little china joys. The story is as precious to me as they are.

It was Mother’s Day or Birthday, that part eludes me. But My Son was overseas in England at the time. I’d been doing the long-distance Mothering thing for months. But I knew it was part of a son joining the Military. They say go and the enlisted–go.

But I have a son whose heart is always mindful of what his mother is going through. So, during a phone call to let me know that my gift was coming, he included this statement, “Mom, the minute I saw this, the first thing I said was that this looks just like my Mom.”

I was so excited about what happy comparison would come in the mail to me. The package arrived safely, and I immediately began to open it. I already had a flood of tears threatening to spill out from behind my eyes because of missing my son.

I carefully lifted the packing paper which led to softer white tissue paper. The first thing I saw was the white lid that evidently went to a teapot. As I continued to clear away the paper my expectations of pulling some cheerfully created teapot soon vanished. The further I pulled the teapot out the whiter it grew. By the time all I could see was a round solid white teapot my mind traveled back to my son’s statement, “Mom this reminds me of you.”

I sat holding the teapot still sitting in a handful of tissue paper and my mind paused. “My son thinks I remind him of a “solid white teapot?” There wasn’t one stroke of color anywhere on this teapot. It certainly had a playful round shape—like me, but that was all. I instantly thought that must have been the comparison my son made.

I took a deep breath and pulled the tissue paper completely away from the bottom of the teapot and that is when the tears came along with a loud exclamation of, “OH MY GOODNESS!!”

Standing now before me on its two little feet adorned with Mary Jane shoes and polka-dotted socks was the sweetest thing I had ever seen! I did the laughing/ crying thing a mother does when her heart is filled with joy.

As I uncovered each little treasure, they were soon all standing in front of me in their own set of socks and shoes. I stared at them for hours.

So, when I moved here to Florida, they had been packed carefully ensuring their safe travel. I have now been here for ten months, and my sweet little friends were still packed away.

I reason that because of the unexpected events surrounding my move here, my heart didn’t want to unpack them if I wasn’t staying. It’s taken ten months filled with a great deal of prayer, tears, and encouragement from a couple of lovely people God has been using to assure me that God doesn’t make mistakes. I knew in my heart that this was where I was to come. But the expectations I set were way too high and too much my own. God DID bring me here but for other reasons than mine.

Getting to open my heart up to God’s plan has been a test of Faith and much extended Grace.

God is so good to His children. He hears our thoughts far off and knows about every hurt we go through. I just had to open my mind and heart to be able to see the Plan God had for me living here.

When I did, God had a man show up at my door who is acting as an advocate for each resident in my building. He introduced me to a lovely lady who had just asked him the day before about wanting to volunteer to help anyone who needed any transportation. He gave her my name and the contact was made and thoroughly enjoyed! My need has more than been met.

Then he put me in touch with a group here called Stephen Ministries. This is a group of individuals who go through quite extensive training to become ambassadors of the Lord. They come to listen and encourage anyone who might need a caring touch.

This is the second plan God had for me. I lost my lifelong friend who was going to come to see me and us doing things together as we had planned due to unforeseen events. The disappointment was huge.

But God had always promised me that He would never leave or forsake me. I just had to let Him lift my head and heart to see that that was still true.

So, the other day, once I settled it in my heart that I’m staying here, I unwrapped not only my heart, but my Sweet Little “footed” friends! It might sound silly, but the first night I sat across from the shelf where they were now standing, I felt—at home! I had not felt that way since coming here. Every day my heart was torn between here and wishing that I had never moved here. I knew something had to change. I could not live with the indecision. It was affecting me in more ways than one.

Let my story encourage any reader that God is Faithful. He will never forsake any child of His. He always has a plan for our lives and promises to help us find that Plan if we are willing even when our hearts are so hurt and our eyes downcast. He is the Glory and the lifter of our heads!

Things will and do get better when we allow God to show us what to do and then trust Him no matter what.

Now every time I look at my little Sweeties standing across from me, they bring even more joy to my heart! They are twice given—once from my son and then as a promise from God that he knows what's best for me. Seeing them has become an unspoken, “Welcome Home.”

My son texted me the same statement. I know that it has helped lessen the pain he has been feeling also. Now he too can rest assured that his mother is truly at home!

I bless you!

 

 

 

 

Just as if you were there…

Technology can be amazingly beneficial or devastating to a person’s mind. As I have grown older, there are many things that I can no longer do that I once found simple. But lately, I’ve also been able to go places and do things that my life never would have afforded me, thanks to being able to watch the physical accomplishments of others.

I’ve watched families build a home from the ground up, flanked by the backdrop of majestic mountains, the kind I can only see on a calendar. One young woman with a crazy inner drive has secluded herself away from other people in one of the coldest places on earth. Why? I don’t have any idea. But I can watch her daily activities without having to be there freezing to death or dodging the threat of polar bears wanting me for breakfast.

Lately, I’ve been drawn to the book of Ephesians. Every morning, I’ve read over the first two chapters, not able to read past them. They contain incredible promises given to me as a believer by God the Father. That’s how you have to approach the Bible. You have to see it as a letter that has come in the mail to you. You have to read it with the same enthusiasm and interest that you would if you got a letter from a dearest friend. But how many of us do that?

I read these events written by people who were THERE at the time. They might have been the ones receiving the words directly from God, and I wasn’t there—or was I? I might not have been there physically, but nevertheless, what was spoken to the person at the time was also being spoken for them to convey what was said; to me. All these years later, the letter arrived, and I opened it.

I love the movie A Few Good Men. I have watched it numerous times. I watch it, anticipating the moment when Colonel Nathan R. Jessep gets arrested. He’s an arrogant man who has let power go to his head and uses it to lord it over everyone he comes in contact with. He believes that he is completely above being called out for any of his actions. So, at the moment in the courtroom when Lt. Daniel Kaffee, a lesser man in Col. Jessep’s opinion, takes him down, I usually holler, “Yes!”

It's a movie, I understand that, and the people are just actors, but the emotion it evokes in me is real. I have had times in my life when I was at the mercy of an individual who controlled my life with their heady power over me just because they could.

I don’t know any normal person who wouldn’t shout when the hammer drops on the evil doer. We don’t have to have been there, but somehow, we feel a part of the justice served.

I have no memory of being with God before the creation of the world, but the Word says that I was there. I had yet to be born into this sinful world. I came as every human being—born into this sinful nature. I had no way of avoiding it and neither have you. The world fell into sin by our original ancestral parents—Adam and Eve. Because of their sin, we become sinners.

You might cry out, “But I wasn’t there! I wouldn’t have done what they did! Why am I being punished?”

If that is your argument, you’re not alone. We all have thought the very same thing. But that would be missing the point. It doesn’t matter if we were physically there at the time; what matters right now, at this moment, is what is being offered to us as redemption. Wouldn’t you be more interested in hearing about someone coming to your defense? Now, no longer focusing on why, wouldn’t you be more interested in who it is who is now offering you complete payment for your sin? Wouldn’t you want someone to come tell you? Someone who saw and heard what was said and done?

There’s another place where I wasn’t physically present at the time it happened. Let’s look at this letter. Mark 16: 1-7 Now when the Sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices, that they might come and anoint Him. 2 Very early in the morning, on the first day of the week, they came to the tomb when the sun had risen. 3 And they said among themselves, “Who will roll away the stone from the door of the tomb for us?” 4 But when they looked up, they saw that the stone had been rolled away—for it was very large. 5 And entering the tomb, they saw a young man clothed in a long white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed. 6 But he said to them, “Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He is risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid Him. 7 But go, tell His disciples—and Peter—that He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him, as He said to you.”

Here is the moment in time where what Jesus had been telling all who followed Him had happened. Now He wanted others to come see for themselves what these three women were privileged to be the first to know. But what always catches my eye are these two words—and Peter. Jesus had already known about Peter’s denial, cursing, and sinful conduct right before His crucifixion. He knew that Peter was riddled with anguish. Can you imagine when these women ran to tell the disciples and then turned and said, “And, Peter, Jesus made it a point to tell you that he wants to see you.”

Can you imagine the agony and perhaps fear that ran through Peter at having to face Jesus again? He knew what he had done. But what ends up happening is completely different than what Peter was expecting—what he knew he deserved. All his expectations had been dashed when Jesus was taken and crucified. So, Peter did the only thing he thought was left for him to do—he went back to fishing. I imagine him finding himself sitting in that boat once again, wondering what in the world had just happened, was torment. I hope you will take the time to read John Chapter 21.

Peter has to come face to face with Jesus and get what he knows he deserves. Unlike the character of Col. Jessep, who remains totally unrepentant of his actions, Peter comes humbly, deserving of whatever Jesus decides he deserves. In Peter’s mind, it certainly wasn’t breakfast and forgiveness.

None of us were physically there for any of the events in the Word of God. But the people who were there have sent Word for us to come, the Bible is God’s voice saying, “And (insert your name) Susan.” It’s God still saying through His Word, “I want to see you.” It can be one of the scariest happening or THE most forgiving, life-giving moment of your life. In this post today, I want my voice to be saying to each of you, “God wants to see you.”

If you take this invitation and humbly go to God, you’ll be wonderfully amazed by the outcome. Sadly, don’t be like the movie character Col. Jessep; there will be people who will never feel that they have done anything wrong, deserving judgment and the consequences of their actions.

I pray you are not one of those people.

I bless you.

 

 

 

 

 

Do you ever feel like you are never enough? What do you think God meant by . . . small things?

Luke 16;10 He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much, and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. 

I woke today struggling with some of the small, seemingly insignificant things I do that only God sees me doing. Some of them might be termed OCD, but I don’t put that tag on them. I don’t go around having to touch things three times before I can relax. Some might seem very silly or questionable but let me explain. I’ve included for Biblical clarity what the Word says about being faithful in a job well done—even the smallest ones.

I hate to admit it but not taking the time to finish something has cost me more than if I had done it right the first time. Does anyone know what I’m talking about?

So, God trains me in this fault of mine in small simple ways. I hear the Holy Spirit encouraging me before I am about to neglect to do these small things and am encouraged.

Here is one of my biggest small issues. Living in a community housing where other people use the laundry room also, they ask that you do two things. Clean out the dryer filter and leave the door open on both the washer and dryer so it will air out. Not rocket science—small simple actions.

And yet, when I’ve folded my clothes and stacked them, I realize that the job isn’t done. That’s when something in me groans. Several times, as I’ve turned to leave, I hear the voice of the Holy Spirit chastening me. You’d think I was being asked to fly over the building. I start an argument that I know I’m not going to win. Yes, I can win it, but for the rest of the night, I will know that I was disobedient in such a small matter. So, as I turn around, and take the time to do this small insignificant act before I exit the laundry room I wonder where in the whole scheme of life this even matters. It doesn’t. It only matters in my life.

It's not about the task, although it does serve a purpose for the next person using the facilities. The purpose is for my growth in the Lord. I’ll explain a little further. I was raised by a father who was never happy with anything I did. I called it, “never enough nuts or raisins.” No matter what my sister, mother, or I cooked, we either never put enough raisins or nuts in it or we put too many. We knew from the second we presented him with a plate that the praise for a job well done wasn’t coming—but we kept trying.

Sure enough, there was always something we neglected to do right. This is where my current straining to complete the job’s smallest step pulls at my emotions. “There’s always ONE MORE thing! I never can get it completely right!”

So, you might be asking, if I know this, then why don’t I make room for that final step or maybe even do it the minute I open the dryer door? Wouldn’t that be the wise thing to do? Why wait until I’m forced into the feeling of disobedience? What is still in me?

I won’t bore you with all the stuff that happens, just one more. When I’m cooking or fixing a sandwich and have gotten everything out on the counter it happens. I fix whatever it is, and I hear that inner voice saying, “Put everything away before you go sit down.” My inner child wants to scream! “Always, one more thing! Always, something I still have to do before I’m done!”

I know I might sound like a crazy person but now I’ll tell you why God deals with me in this way. Friend, it has nothing to do with a lint filter or a jar or two sitting on the counter or a knife needing to be rinsed off in the sink—it’s about God wanting to heal that damaged child that still exists in a seventy-six-year-old woman. It's God’s love yet again softly trying to show me that I can complete the small touches and walk away with hearing Him say, “Good job Susan!” That’s what I never heard in my whole life from a father I desperately tried to please—over and over again.

But God isn’t like that. In fact, He starts his praise and acknowledgment of being proud of me before I even finish. I’m not a psychologist by any means, but I’d venture to say that millions of people are still acting out of some childhood damage to this very day.

I’m shaking my head as I write this because my heart aches over the thought of how much lasting damage is done by people who were supposed to love and protect our innocent inner child. They were supposed to teach us how to learn valuable life lessons positively. Sadly, this one was so ingrained in me that it goes with me into a laundry room or my kitchen.

I hate it. I hate there is even a trace of it left in me. Believe me when I share this when I say that it isn’t as bad as it used to be! I used to have to stop and cry in frustration over this small problem. Now my turnaround time is so short. I hear it, I take the time to complete this one small final act and then I am free to go about my day. No condemnation followed me nipping at my heels for the rest of the day. No voice accusing me of not having enough nuts or raisins. Just God’s loving praise of a job well done and that He is proud of me.

And finally, we don’t have to do this on our own, we have help. The Holy Spirit in us is ready to help us to both WILL and heal even the smallest issue by helping us DO what we cannot do ourselves.

Please finish by reading over these scriptures knowing that if you have believed in the death and resurrection of Jesus and are saved, that you have help.

Ephesians 1:13 In Him, you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise.

Philippians 2:13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.

John 14; 26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all the things that I said to you.

I bless you.

 

Have you ever wrapped your life around just one Person?

Recently, during an introspective prayer, I realized that maybe the decisions I was making only included one person when God wanted them to include more than just this person.

It’s a hard thing to let a relationship go. No matter what that relationship is; marital, friend, or even family. Trusting that God has a plan is nearly impossible to do. We struggle with whether or not it is God asking us to let go. Are we making a mistake? Are we letting our feelings get in the way? I’ve heard and read that God has a plan for every one of us—saved and not saved.

Every human being God has designed for something. Before the creation of the world, he knew every one of us. That’s a bold statement for some of you to believe. But if you are a believer and read the Word and have a real relationship with the Holy Spirit then that statement isn’t strange to you. The hard part is finding that plan. I have struggled to understand just what it is that God planned for my life. I’m running out of life. At seventy-six years old my time is getting shorter and shorter.

I can look back over my life and it looks like the path of a drunken sailor. Back and forth, stumbling, faulting, stopping, and at times plummeting forward. There isn’t a straight line anywhere in my past. So, I have to ask myself, this major question—have I been walking in the plan and didn’t recognize it?

It's not all been haphazard. The one true thing that I know is that for fifty-three years God has been in my life. I have heard His voice and followed His direction up to this very last move. But, and it’s a BIG but, was this part of His plan? I was optimistic when I moved to Florida. My eyes were on one person and now I see that God has other plans. I wrapped my plans around one person and God wanted my life to include more than one person.

I’m seeing that now although it’s been hard to adjust. It’s always hard to let go of a dream or expectations that don’t happen. You have to sit in the pile of ashes for a while and cry. But coming to grips with reality is the only way out of disappointment. When I woke up this morning at four o'clock and came to write this posting, I heard the Lord clearly say to me that He was giving me the oil of Joy for the spirit of heaviness.

I’ve had to let God lift my head and open my eyes to possibilities of what and who is around me other than that one person. I’m running out of time. I can’t afford to waste any more of my life waiting on this person to make me a priority. Although, they have been my priority for years.

I did something this morning that needed to be done. And maybe my sharing with any reader will enable you to take the same move. I surrendered that place in my heart that this one person has had for years, I found myself realizing that God has been slowly and lovingly cutting that tie so that He can have that place in my life that only He deserves to have. It’s not easy to let go. But it’s probably going to be the second-best thing I have done since believing in God and becoming a Christian.

Giving God that number one place in my heart is another step in salvation’s story. It’s what He is after in every one of our lives, putting Him first. Loving Him more than any other person. No matter what their relationship is with us. It’s hard to read that we are to forsake our mother, father, sister, brother, friend, and any other relationship we form in this life.

When I closed my eyes and bent my head this morning in surrendering all my expectations I had when I moved here, I meant it. I asked God to help me now look around me and see that perhaps it was for more than just one person. Maybe my outlook on the world was too small. Maybe there are other people that God wants to bring into my life that need what He has put into me. Maybe I was willing to just swim in one small pond when God wants to cast me into an ocean of people who will benefit from what I have gone through in my life. Maybe He wants to do the same thing with you.

I don’t see everything yet, but I know that my decision was right this morning. At other times there was hurt and pain and a whole lot of tears, this morning there was peace about letting go. In letting go, it opens us up to new people, new possibilities, and new experiences.

But the main thing is I’m putting God in His rightful place. I don’t ever want anyone to have that place ever again. I’m not saying that I won’t form new relationships and enjoy new people, but I don’t want any person to hold that place in my heart but God.

My footprint here in this blog is small and I only know that it’s being read by the number counting views of my page. So, if it reaches even one person in that respect then I’m fulfilling God’s plan and that’s the whole point of what I do.

I bless you.

 

 Another New Year where what we long for will come to pass.

Sometimes when I begin to read something that catches my attention, I find myself mentally responding with, “Yeah, I sure do understand that!” It seems to be happening more often.

As another year is about to end, I think we all look back on how we thought last year was going to go. I find myself looking back on what did and didn’t happen as I thought it would. Not everything I hoped for happened. Some things went better than expected, some have yet to materialize, and there were things I didn’t even see coming at all.

I made a profound remark to the Lord as I was preparing to move to Florida. It wasn’t that I have not walked with the Lord for 52 years and found him to be faithful but there are still things missing in my relationship with Him. The word—real—kept coming to my mind and heart. I want more. I have read the Word for years and I see in it promises that God has made to us who believe, promises I haven’t seen materialize but I know are possible.

The one thing I DO know is that it isn’t God! It’s me. A scripture that has guided my life is, “You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32. I have reached places in my life where things had to change, and I didn’t care what the Lord had to do to make them happen. But what do you do when it isn’t your life for which you are praying? I’ve always said that I know how far I will let things go before I drag my sorry self back to the feet of Jesus and repent. But what when it’s people that you dearly love? I can’t make them want to change. I can’t do it for them—I wish I could. Oh, how incredible that would be if we could overrule a person’s will for good and they would change. But that isn’t possible.

God gave each one of us free will. Not even God himself will overrule a person’s will. He does, however, intervene in the circumstances of that person’s life and use His power to help guide them toward the direction their life needs to go. The problem with that is that it’s often scary for us who love that person to have to watch. But God never intends anything but good for us or them. 

I’ve cried out more than once for the Lord to not lift His hand off of me no matter how much it hurts! But as I said, that’s me. But to have to watch someone you dearly love struggling is a whole different matter. Especially, when it seems that there is nothing you can do to help them.

I have read about the Prodigal Son in scripture so many times. In my mind, I stand outside that pig pen watching that young man struggle. I envision him having lost everything he once had in riotous living after turning his back on what he had been taught and given by his father. I see the father every day searching, longing to see his son come walking back down the road to return home!

So, as I watch this picture unfold in my mind, I search for every clue to what happened in that young man’s mind and heart on the day that he finally decided to go home. If you’re not familiar with the story you can read it here; Luke 15:11-32.

What happened that caused him to find himself IN that pig pen searching about in the slop for a half-eaten corn cob? A place that he was never meant to ever be in let alone touch these unclean animals. Yet, there he was. He had dipped so low that he lost sight of everything he had ever been taught.

Was it the moment he bit down on the mucky corn cob and felt the grit in his mouth? Was it the smell of the swine wallowing near him? When did he realize he had become no better than a pig or how lost he had become? Something clicked inside of him. Something made him remember that even the servants in his father’s house were better off than this!

He'd had enough! As he headed home it was with the thought that he didn’t expect his father to take him back as a son, he was only hoping to be reinstated as a servant. I can see the father getting up that morning as he had so many mornings before, stepping outside and the longing filling his heart to see his son come home. Was it as he turned to go back into the house that he caught a glimpse of a figure approaching the driveway? It moves my heart to beat faster at the thought that must have raced through that old man’s mind.

“My son! My son is home!” He didn’t even wait for the young man to get to him. He took off running in his son’s direction and when he got to him, he threw his arms around him and kissed him! It didn’t matter to the father what filthy state his son was in! He was home! That was all that mattered! And that is all that matters to God when anyone comes to Him!

I’ve stood watching this scene in my mind so many times imagining how that must have felt. When I, like that father have searched in prayer for someone I love to come back to the Lord or to even come to know the Lord for the first time. I wonder if later that night after the boy had cleaned up, dressed again in his clothing, and eaten that celebratory meal once they were alone, if the father asked him what it was that finally made him come home? I don’t think the father cared what it was; he just had his son back.

I know that I’m not the only one who has been offering up prayers for other people that you hope will one day come to their right mind and be saved out of the muck and mire their lives have been drug into.

As I sat down to write this posting I was once again reminded of the Word in Romans 8:34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who continually makes intercession for us. I don’t think many people realize that Jesus is praying for them, so how can I give up? I’ll search that road every day looking for the answers. And I believe that when I wrap my arms around the answered prayer it won’t matter what finally happened, all that will matter is that the answer has come!

To any reader who understands and needs this posting, know this; You are not alone. I believe that there are so many other Christians who have soaked our pillows at night with tears beseeching the Lord on behalf of people that they love to change. Knowing that if we could do it for them, we would—but we can’t.

When I find myself saying, “All I can do is pray.”  I feel so ashamed. I realize that that is the absolute BEST thing I can do! It’s what holds the greatest possibility!

So again, this year I will continue my vigil of prayer, longing, and searching for the answers to my prayers for others.

May God bless you; Dear reader, and I bless you.