Step up to my soapbox.

I’ve never considered myself to be one who made resolutions every year, mainly because I knew that I wasn’t going to keep them. My main concern about the New Year was always that my birthday is January 5^th. There have been a few years when turning another year older bothered me, but not many. This year, I did the same thing I always do—I forgot to add a year. I was born on January 5, 1949. So when I start counting up the years, I completely forget to add in that first year. I know, I know, what you think.

Consequently, once again this year, all of a sudden, a whole year flashed past my eyes. I went from thinking I was turning 76, but no, I’m 77. Ugh. It isn’t being 77 that bothers me, it's that mental block that irritates me. How can someone not know how old they are?

Also, while I’m on my soapbox, I need to take my own advice from the last posting. Because I’m not a resolution maker, for some reason this year, I’ve been flooded with thoughts about things I need to change this year. I can’t do any of this. My mind has insisted on keeping the list that I refused to put down on paper; it keeps getting longer.

My health is the biggest—biggie.

Trying to find a good gluten-free lifestyle?

Find a healthy remedy for sleep?

Try to extend my life through better habits all the way around?

Get back to writing more.

BUT HOW???!!!

So, yes, I have become overwhelmed. What is overwhelming me most of all is the mindset that I’m destined to fail in all categories. So, the Lord sweetly told me to go back and read my own last posting and follow my own advice. He’s always right. Instead of beating myself up and running in circles, I need to STOP! There is only ONE thing I need to do, and I can't even do that. Years ago, the Lord spoke this phrase to me during one of my frustrating times of life (of which there have been many). He said,

“Susan, let me let you let me.”

He said this because when I boiled it all down in my head, I had said, “Lord, I can't even do that! I can’t even let you help me.”

When I heard that phrase, I realized that where I needed to start was to hand over my—let-er. So, I’m asking the Lord once again to help me start there, by admitting that I have to depend on Him to even help let me let Him let me. I know it sounds confusing, but if you’re struggling with realizing that to ask God to help you, you can’t even do that without His help.

We humans are so annoying. I don’t know how God stands us. But He does more than that, He LOVES us UNCONDITIONALLY.

I stopped spinning my wheels today, laid it all down, and in prayer told the Lord that He already knew that these struggles would come. I’ll start this journey with my own advice. I’ll seek Him FIRST, and all these things will be added to me.

I even stopped the mental list-making. God knows what and where I need to start after seeking Him first. I felt relieved. Like the self-inflicted burden was lifted off my shoulders.

Now, every morning when I wake up and say, “Good morning, Lord.” I’ll ask Him to direct my path. All my life, since becoming a Christian, He has never failed, not once, to direct my path until I’ve found myself sitting right here in this apartment in Florida. I’m sure along the way, no, let me rephrase that, I’m POSITIVE he had to use some very strong prodding methods to get me back on the path when I had ventured off it.

My heart is so overwhelmed right now with a sense of His love and forgiveness. I don’t know what I’d do without Him.

Once again, I’d encourage you to reconsider seeking God’s salvation message if you are not a believer. One day, and I think it's coming soon, life as we know it will end. You don’t want to be one of those people who will realize that there is a God and you were wrong. That you’ll be staring eternity in the face and hear the most devastating thing any man or woman can hear God say, “Depart from me for I never knew you.”

God does know you, after all, he created you. What He’s saying is you, and He did not have a relationship.

So, please reconsider accepting the Lord.

I bless you.