Unbelievable!!

Well, here I am at last posting something new. I’ve had a few things floating around in my mind and spirit, but never could nail any of them down until today.

Recently, I have been reediting all my books. It’s hard to open them and see that there are so many things underlined in red, especially since I thought that I had edited them so well before. I have never been a good speller and admit to not having a handle on grammar either. But that hasn’t kept me from writing.

I always thought how strange that God gave me such a desire to write a book, and yet I am so poor at being good at these two highly needed skills. I guess just admitting to my fault will help any readers to forgive my mistakes.

One of the books that I have just finished reediting again is Living in My God-Given Square.  https://www.amazon.com/stores/SusanTodd/author/B0082D161Eref=ap_rdr&shoppingPortalEnabled=true&ccs_id=1ebb91f4-2949-4faf-8904-7635a841bf26

It’s about my life and how the Lord has healed so many emotional hurts that I endured because of what other people deposited into my life.

I live in a Christian community, so I guess that I take it for granted that other people living here have a similar relationship with the Lord as I do. Believe me, I am NOT perfect, nor do I think that my relationship with God lacks more work. God will never be through with any of us until we step into Heaven.

I guess when I’ve had the opportunity to share things about my life with someone I’ve met here, I’m amazed at how quizzically they look at me. I realize even more the difference when they say that they have never had any experiences with the Lord, as I have.

I know the real truthful answer to that is maybe they aren’t as NEEDY as I am. I have always needed the Lord. If it wasn’t for Him, I don’t know how I’d have made it this far in life. Reediting this book has been a reminder of just how much God has changed me. I was such an emotional mess. Day after day, the same old records ran around in my head over and over. I could remember every word that person said to me, even down to what they were wearing and where we were at the time. Sometimes I truly believed that I would go crazy and have to be committed somewhere.

All I wanted was to be normal. But what is normal? I don’t think I’ve ever run into a normal person. There have been times when I envied a person’s life just because they weren’t plagued with my problem and never had been. But today, as I have an occasion to meet new people and, within a few minutes of talking to them, I see that their problem might not be the same as mine, but they are still dragging around baggage from their struggles.

God is no respecter of persons. I am not a special case. (Although I am the Apple of God’s eye!) But so are you. How He can make each one of us feel that we are His special child, I don’t know. But I was never anyone’s special person growing up and years into my adult life. Other than God, having the love of my son has made me feel special. I know that he loves me and that I love him beyond words. So many parents are estranged from their children or at least one child, and I can’t even imagine how that feels. I have been so blessed with my relationship with my son. Because of that, the hurt in the eyes of another person who doesn’t even know where their child is, let alone have any communication with them, leaves me saddened.

I hope that will be one of the first things God does when he brings a renewal and revival to the world one last time before He comes back. When I think about how God must feel right now, being separated from one of his children for whatever reason, and it being compounded over thousands of times—goes beyond my imagination. Not to mention people who have never accepted His love and forgiveness. Having to watch these people every day, knowing that He can help them and change their lives, and they refuse Him over and over.

If you know the Lord and what He has done for you, take a moment to thank Him for all He has done for you.  But if you are still running from Him, thinking that you don’t need God, I pray that today something will cause you to stop, acknowledge God, ask for forgiveness, and step into your New God-Given Square! What a glorious thing will happen to you!

 

I bless you

Step up to my soapbox.

I’ve never considered myself to be one who made resolutions every year, mainly because I knew that I wasn’t going to keep them. My main concern about the New Year was always that my birthday is January 5^th. There have been a few years when turning another year older bothered me, but not many. This year, I did the same thing I always do—I forgot to add a year. I was born on January 5, 1949. So when I start counting up the years, I completely forget to add in that first year. I know, I know, what you think.

Consequently, once again this year, all of a sudden, a whole year flashed past my eyes. I went from thinking I was turning 76, but no, I’m 77. Ugh. It isn’t being 77 that bothers me, it's that mental block that irritates me. How can someone not know how old they are?

Also, while I’m on my soapbox, I need to take my own advice from the last posting. Because I’m not a resolution maker, for some reason this year, I’ve been flooded with thoughts about things I need to change this year. I can’t do any of this. My mind has insisted on keeping the list that I refused to put down on paper; it keeps getting longer.

My health is the biggest—biggie.

Trying to find a good gluten-free lifestyle?

Find a healthy remedy for sleep?

Try to extend my life through better habits all the way around?

Get back to writing more.

BUT HOW???!!!

So, yes, I have become overwhelmed. What is overwhelming me most of all is the mindset that I’m destined to fail in all categories. So, the Lord sweetly told me to go back and read my own last posting and follow my own advice. He’s always right. Instead of beating myself up and running in circles, I need to STOP! There is only ONE thing I need to do, and I can't even do that. Years ago, the Lord spoke this phrase to me during one of my frustrating times of life (of which there have been many). He said,

“Susan, let me let you let me.”

He said this because when I boiled it all down in my head, I had said, “Lord, I can't even do that! I can’t even let you help me.”

When I heard that phrase, I realized that where I needed to start was to hand over my—let-er. So, I’m asking the Lord once again to help me start there, by admitting that I have to depend on Him to even help let me let Him let me. I know it sounds confusing, but if you’re struggling with realizing that to ask God to help you, you can’t even do that without His help.

We humans are so annoying. I don’t know how God stands us. But He does more than that, He LOVES us UNCONDITIONALLY.

I stopped spinning my wheels today, laid it all down, and in prayer told the Lord that He already knew that these struggles would come. I’ll start this journey with my own advice. I’ll seek Him FIRST, and all these things will be added to me.

I even stopped the mental list-making. God knows what and where I need to start after seeking Him first. I felt relieved. Like the self-inflicted burden was lifted off my shoulders.

Now, every morning when I wake up and say, “Good morning, Lord.” I’ll ask Him to direct my path. All my life, since becoming a Christian, He has never failed, not once, to direct my path until I’ve found myself sitting right here in this apartment in Florida. I’m sure along the way, no, let me rephrase that, I’m POSITIVE he had to use some very strong prodding methods to get me back on the path when I had ventured off it.

My heart is so overwhelmed right now with a sense of His love and forgiveness. I don’t know what I’d do without Him.

Once again, I’d encourage you to reconsider seeking God’s salvation message if you are not a believer. One day, and I think it's coming soon, life as we know it will end. You don’t want to be one of those people who will realize that there is a God and you were wrong. That you’ll be staring eternity in the face and hear the most devastating thing any man or woman can hear God say, “Depart from me for I never knew you.”

God does know you, after all, he created you. What He’s saying is you, and He did not have a relationship.

So, please reconsider accepting the Lord.

I bless you.